What constitutes «normal» behavior
among happy couples?
One difference between happy and unhappy marriages is the tendency
among happy couples to stand together during hard times, rather than against or away from each other.
«This positive perspective, which is a trend
among the happiest couples in decades of research by The Gottman Institute, is something that increases warmth, friendship and feeling generally liked by their partner.
Not exact matches
A divorce
among those close to us makes us feel vulnerable, and we question our own marriage — if a
couple we thought were perfectly
happy together splits, well, what about us?
A more equal marriage doesn't necessarily mean a
happier marriage: A recent Norweigan study found higher divorce rates
among couples who split the housework evenly.
Among her many talents, my granddaughter Sophie, who has just turned 2 *, has a clear vision of what would make her
happy,
coupled with the persuasive skills and executive function to make it happen.
Still, the
happiest long - term
couples among us obviously know a thing or two about keeping up the excitement — if they didn't, nobody would be monogamous.
Among the survey's
happiest couples, 85 percent of both men and women say «I love you» at least once a week.
Yet Dibb and co-scripter Matt Charman do at least make a stab at including a smattering of Nemirovsky's vast supporting cast,
among them an embittered farmer who joins the Resistance (Sam Riley) and a
couple of aristocrats only too
happy to make nice with the enemy (Lambert Wilson and Harriet Walter).
Gottman's research is well - known as being able to predict with a 90 % accuracy which
couples will divorce and which will stay married; and
among those who do stay married, which
couples will be
happy and which will be unhappy.
The resulting separation, along financial and emotional strain, can lead to divorce even
among previously
happy couples.
According to Dr. Gottman, there really is one secret formula that can be found
among all of the
happy - stable
couples he has studied: 5 to 1.
There is a scientific reason: in the book The Normal Bar, scientists analyzed data from 100,000 people around the world and found that,
among those people who reported being
happiest in their relationships, 74 % reported that they give back rubs to their partners.2 Mutual massage thus appears to be something that most
happy couples have in common!
It's true that no two marriages look exactly the same, but there are a few common threads
among those highly effective,
happy couples.
He was looking for patterns in relationships and was able to determine the differences
among couples who stayed together and were
happy over time,
couples who stayed together and were not
happy, and
couples who divorced.
Storied marriage expert, Dr. John Gottman, explains that conflict - avoiders are considered a
happy - stable conflict type
among married
couples.
However, results from his systematic study proved that
couples did behave with tremendous regularity over time and science could, indeed, identify sequences of interactions
among sets of
happy and unhappy
couples.
By contrast,
among couples who married between 24 - 26, only 14 percent divorced, and only 20 percent of women said they were «not very
happy» in their marriage.
In his latest work with Nicholas H. Wolfinger, Soul Mates: Religion, Sex, Love, and Marriage
Among African Americans and Latinos (Oxford, 2016), Brad Wilcox shines a much - needed spotlight on the lives of strong and
happy minority
couples.
Decades of research conducted
among all types of
couples, across all phases of life, allowed Gottman to predict with over a 90 % accuracy rate, which
couples would end up
happy, unhappy or divorced.
The «Knot Yet» report finds that
among couples who married at 30 or above, only 8 percent divorced within the first ten years of marriage — but a whopping 50 percent of women were «not very
happy» in their marriage.
For instance,
among those who cohabited,
couples who decided to live together before marriage in an intentional way are more likely to enjoy
happy marriages, compared to
couples who just slid into cohabitation before marriage.
Even scholar Mavis Hetherington is not spared DePaulo's conscientious scrutiny and critical thinking: «The first few times I saw such «happily» statements, I thought they were just sloppy writing errors... Hetherington and her coauthor John Kelly, for example, noted that «happily married
couples are healthier,
happier, wealthier, and sexier...» Did they really mean to say that married people are
happier than single people, as long as you include
among the married people only those who are
happy?
At the same time, only about a third of the partners
among older
couples are entirely
happy with the amount of support they get from their spouse and feel that their partners are not very critical or demanding.