They would believe the polish of laughter and smiles, as long as I never looked too thirsty or excited, as long as I never explained that if uninterrupted drinking was on the horizon, if I knew alcohol would soon pour into the cracks of my psyche, soul, and heart, I could handle
anything — even my stale days and too - young hus - band who left in the mornings, and the
baby sucking my life
dead and dry while making it infinitely more worth living and deep and clear.