around midnight i began to question my decision to have a home birth, & maria was getting tired... she called
in a second midwife for support & my doula arrived from another birth... i was afraid of the power - i hadn't felt it like this
in kayenn's birth... i was afraid that i would come apart - even though i had to - i know now that coming apart is a part of the process... someplace
in the
middle of this birth i realized that i did not know how to do this - i was acting against the birth process - literally & emotionally... i had a mental idea of what it should look, sound, smell, be like... after some hours maria checked me again, i had been at 9 cm for 4 hours... she said to me, «some babies can come through at 9 cm, but yours will not, sokhna... sokhna, you are going to have to fight to bring this baby out... go into the
bathroom, get
in the shower & work it out... «so i did... i went
in the cold
bathroom alone & remembered every cold detail of kayenn's birth... i wondered if i could get to the hospital on time to have an emergency c - section & i began to cry... & as i cried i had to go to the
bathroom - i
sat on the toilet & the rushes came down like nothing i can explain - but they didn't hurt - it was just POWER!
An enticing natural green - stone swimming pool
sits strategically
in the
middle of the compound, promoting easy access from the surrounding bedrooms that feature beautifully carved wooden beds and semi-open garden
bathrooms.
We can now respond while
sitting at red lights, waiting
in line for lunch, during the
middle of the 3rd quarter of a Memphis Grizzlies game,
in the
bathroom (I know, TMI), etc..