This approach can be an excellent alternative
for high conflict spouses who are looking for assistance in reducing the conflict and keeping their separation away from court and costly litigation.
Not exact matches
But
for many divorcing or divorced parents, emotions run
high and
conflict with our former
spouse feels unavoidable.
Her efforts and results achieved in
high - profile,
high - asset and
high -
conflict divorce cases have made our firm a first - call resource
for many successful business owners, executives, musicians, licensed professionals and their
spouses when they need family law guidance and advocacy.
For example, ending a «
high conflict» marriage - one where one
spouse fears domestic violence - requires very different steps than ending a «low
conflict» marriage - one where unhappiness drives one or both
spouses toward dissolution.
Collaborative Law is worth considering if some or all of the following are true
for you: (a) you want a civilized, rational resolution of the issues, (b) you would like to keep open the possibility of a viable working relationship with your partner down the road, (c) you and your partner will be raising children together and you want the best working relationship possible, (d) you want to protect your children from the harm associated with litigation between parents, (e) you have ethical or spiritual beliefs that place
high value on taking personal responsibility
for handling
conflicts with integrity, (f) you value control and autonomous decision making and do not want to hand over decisions about restructuring your financial and parenting arrangements to a stranger (a judge), (g) you recognize the restricted and often unpredictable range of outcomes and «rough justice» generally available in the public court system and want a more creative and individualized range of choices available to you and your
spouse or partner
for resolving the issues.
What's more, even though your
high conflict spouse will blame you
for all of his / her problems, the truth is that s / he experiences a lot of
conflict with a lot of other people, too.
Similarly,
spouses need
high - level emotional self - regulation, cooperative dialogue and collaborative
conflict resolution skills to implement this desire to be both a blessing
for each other and personally fulfilled.
My clients are often benefited by having some coaching about these disorders and the best strategies
for dealing with
high conflict and toxic
spouses.
Must read book
for anyone dealing with a
high conflict spouse and seeking divorce.
It's true; divorce communication tools are setting new standards
for how divorced
spouses are communicating with each other, especially those who are in
high conflict relationships.
When both
spouses had gained a degree of the same level, 39.1 % reported a
conflict between the
spouses, 26.6 % a
conflict with the husband's family or friends and 12.5 % mentioned an economic problem as a reference
for the WOC (the only group who mentioned economic problem
for that), but, when the husband had a
higher degree than the wife, 50.0 % reported a
conflict between the
spouses and 35.7 % a
conflict with the husband's family or friends, and finally, when the women had gained the
higher degree, 81.8 % described a
conflict between the
spouses and 13.6 % a
conflict with the husband's family or friends.
Therefore, in a family where the wife has a
higher education than her husband, dividing and sharing power and authority might become a background factor
for more frequent
conflicts between
spouses.
This safer environment is created in the collaborative process by the promise that neither attorney will ever take the other
spouse to court, by the extensive use of empathic listening skills, by refusing to get hooked into being responsible
for the
high -
conflict individual's problems, by waiting to get into problem - solving and decision making until the
high -
conflict individual has become less reactive, and providing a lot of structure
for the problem - solving and decision - making process itself.
High spouse conflict and low
spouse closeness may place both partners and patients at risk
for general psychological distress, which,
for patients, has been linked to poor self - management and poor metabolic control (42,43).
A
high conflict, emotionally abusive parent, child,
spouse or other relationship partner, regardless of the causation, is a challenge and we need to take appropriate steps
for our own well - being and that of our family.
If you find yourself in a position of
high conflict and your
spouse refuses counseling or the collaborative process, you may still consider using a collaboratively trained divorce coach
for your own well being as you go through this emotional phase of your life.
But
for many divorcing or divorced parents, emotions run
high and
conflict with our former
spouse feels unavoidable.