I still kept a round
of duties, and would not suffer myself
to run into any open vices, and so got along very well in time
of health and prosperity, but when I was distressed or threatened by sickness, death, or heavy storms
of thunder, my religion would not do, and I found there was something wanting, and would begin
to repent my
going so much
to frolics, but when the distress was over, the devil and my own wicked heart, with the solicitations
of my associates, and my fondness for young company, were such strong allurements, I would again give way, and thus I got
to be very wild and rude, at the same time kept up my rounds
of secret prayer and reading; but God, not willing I should destroy myself, still followed me with his calls, and moved with such power upon my conscience, that I could not satisfy myself with my diversions, and in the midst
of my mirth sometimes would have such a sense
of my lost and undone condition, that I would wish myself from the company, and after it was over, when I
went home, would make many promises that I would attend no more on these frolics, and would beg forgiveness for hours and hours; but when I came
to have the temptation again, I would give way: no sooner would I hear the music and drink a glass
of wine, but I would find my mind elevated and soon proceed
to any sort
of merriment or diversion, that I thought was not debauched or openly vicious; but when I returned from my carnal mirth I felt as
guilty as ever, and could sometimes not close my eyes for some hours after I had
gone to my
bed.