He droned on at length, reminding us how much we had in common with the dead: We all had dreams, regrets, accomplishments, people we'd loved and disappointed, and at some point, for each of us, those earthly concerns would fall away, our lives replaced in
an instant by darkness or — if you believed — light.
As Dracula, the legendary vampiric Prince of
Darkness and slayer of entire armies, I never envisioned myself crouched behind a box in a bland, generic secret evil lair, desperately attempting to avoid the massive guard or else face
instant failure
by way of explosive cannon round to the face.