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projection of blame); and «Uproar» (having a fight to avoid anxiety - producing
sexual intimacy); «Why Don't You — Yes But» (futile P - C advice - giving); «I'm Only Trying to Help You» (rationalizing manipulative behavior); «Kick Me» (played by a submissive person); and «
Look How Hard I've Tried» (to convince the counselor one is the «helpful» and «righteous,» wronged partner).
To indicate that porn does not harm relationships, Moyer
looks at studies that take the porn users» side of the equation (their reports of
sexual satisfaction and
intimacy), as if that is sufficient to indicate that relationships are not harmed by porn.
Just think of how radiant women
look when they are deeply sexually satisfied or having more
sexual intimacy than before.
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Women are significantly more likely to be
looking for friendship and companionship, while more men than women are
looking for
intimacy and
sexual relations.
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I often work with couples» who are
looking to access greater
intimacy, whether than means
sexual intimacy or emotional
intimacy.
Practically speaking, this
looks like establishing why the couple wants to be married (and in the case of Christian counseling, God's intent in creating marriage), and talking through a list of common topics in marriage that typically
looks like this: communication, conflict management, partner's family - of - origin, parenting expectations, spirituality, commitment,
sexual intimacy, and financial management.
Many over
look this step because no one thinks they could have a medical issue related to
sexual function or
intimacy, and find out far too late that they do.
It conceptually integrates individual,
sexual, and marital therapies, and provides a fresh
look at the nature of
intimacy and the diverse barriers to intense eroticism in many marriages.