Teach your toddler that calling people
names hurts their feelings and makes them sad.
Not exact matches
Last year, a high school in Ohio
named more than 200 kids in the graduating class «valedictorians» because they didn't want to
hurt anyone's
feelings.
Those who think it's just an exercise in whiny self - indulgence are blind or fools or fortunate to have never been exposed to the very real harm — not annoyance, not
hurt feelings, but real harm — that is sometimes done in the
name of Christ.
But what I
feel we need to remember, in order to not become a bad
name to Christianity ourselves, is that our job is not only to enter the lives of sinners and to show them the love of Christ but to lovingly edify those we
feel are
hurting Christ's cause.
I need to
name my
feelings («I'm
feeling defensive» or «What they said about me
hurt because I worked so hard»).
Kim, me just saying that
hurts some peoples
feeling and I didn't even
name names.
I'm not going to debate whether having faith is a good thing or a bad thing, as that is merely subjective and there is no end result, nor does it benefit anyone and generally devolves into
name - calling and
hurt feelings.
Sometimes, even saying the word, «Ouch,» when your child calls you a
name can reinforce to her that it
hurts your
feelings.
Explain that these words
hurt people's
feelings, that it makes no difference if other kids are using the same language, and that
name - calling simply isn't allowed.
Respond by saying, «That
hurts my
feelings when you call me
names.
I'd rather think about her
name than think about how I'm going to keep her safe out there... or maybe it's because we all know that, despite our best efforts, we can't prevent them from being bullied, or getting
hurt, or just
feeling the ups and downs of being human... so we try to exert some control over the one thing that we know will travel with them... maybe it's a little like trying to wrap them in a protective spell J
For kids, yes, they're still learning, and some mistakes and
hurt feelings are going to happen in the course of learning, so I wouldn't advocate adults intervening for every little squabble (like, two kids fighting over one communal toy, or arguing about what to watch on TV), but if there's a steady pattern of deliberate and premeditated bullying going on, then yeah, I'd step in, whether it's physical bullying,
name - calling, threats, cyberbullying, theft / extortion, repeated exclusion, or whatever.
Doing so can cause unintended
hurt feelings (see the book My
Name is Elizabeth by Annika Dunklee).
By practicing, we can give our kids peaceful strategies on how to clear up misunderstanding or quickly correct a friend who may not have realized they
hurt their
feelings with an unwanted nick
name.
The Second Step curriculum emphasizes impulse control (the ability to control and manage thoughts,
feelings, and behaviors, including listening, focusing attention, following directions, using self - talk, being assertive, identifying and understanding
feelings, respecting similarities and differences), empathy (conversation skills, joining groups, making friends), anger and emotional management (calming down strong
feelings, managing anger, managing accusations, disappointment, anxious and
hurt feelings, handling put downs, managing test anxiety, resisting revenge, and avoiding jumping to conclusions), and problem - solving (playing fairly, taking responsibility, solving classroom problems, solving peer exclusion problems, handling
name calling, dealing with peer pressure, dealing with gossip, seeking help when you need it).
Call them the
names that
hurt the
feels!
Sometimes we may be struggling in a relationship (
feeling hurt, angry, disappointed etc) and that can
feel hard to
name, which can cause us to show up late.
Clarify their
feelings and give it a
name: «So you think if it were you, that you might have
felt hurt (angry, mad, upset, etc.) too?»
It's easy to get angry at your partner but under the anger lurks
feelings of
hurt, sadness, rejection, fear, loneliness, betrayal, shame and rejection to
name a few.
(Most things I've read about rebuilding trust or relationship repair want to put the burden and blame squarely on the person who was
hurt, in the
name of «taking responsibility for your
feelings.»)
We know that to use
name - calling, threats or mean words causes
hurt, fear and
feels emotionally unsafe.
The Second Step curriculum emphasizes impulse control (the ability to control and manage thoughts,
feelings, and behaviors, including listening, focusing attention, following directions, using self - talk, being assertive, identifying and understanding
feelings, respecting similarities and differences), empathy (conversation skills, joining groups, making friends), anger and emotional management (calming down strong
feelings, managing anger, managing accusations, disappointment, anxious and
hurt feelings, handling put downs, managing test anxiety, resisting revenge, and avoiding jumping to conclusions), and problem - solving (playing fairly, taking responsibility, solving classroom problems, solving peer exclusion problems, handling
name calling, dealing with peer pressure, dealing with gossip, seeking help when you need it).
When you
feel hurt and / or frustrated, you might allow yourself to engage in disrespectful behaviors; insults,
name - calling, or sarcasm, for example.