Fighting in relationships is really
just protest behavior against feeling disconnected from the one we love.
Attachment theory says that people engage in
protest behavior if their core needs to be safe and securely loved are not being met.
Their study speculated that male violent outbursts may be a form
of protest behavior triggered by what is perceived as a separation or abandonment by their sexual partner.
Bowlby believed the primitive anger we see in intimate relationships is a form of
protest behavior from being injured or ignored by attachment figures.
Attachment Theory suggests that an assaultive male's violent outbursts may be a form of
protest behavior directed at his attachment figure that may have rejected him and / or precipitated by perceived threats of separation or abandonment.
When Piresferreira followed him to his office to
protest his behavior, Ayotte threatened her with probation.
But in the case of this child, the child's «
protest behavior» was seeking to end — to sever — parental involvement.
When the insecurity about the connection grows, «
protest behaviors» emerge that alienate partners, thus producing the insecurity they worry about.
What attachment issues affected your reactions:
Protest behavior?
In other cases where this has occurred, I've continued my work with an understanding that the reason for the child's «
protest behavior» was not «parental alienation» but instead represented valid child concerns.
Children's authentic
protest behavior is designed to elicit greater involvement from the parent who acts as a «regulatory other» for the child's protest behavior, helping the child transition from a dsyregulated state (evidenced by the protest behavior) back into an organized and regulated state (evidenced by a pleasant attitude of cooperation).
Whether it's anxious /
protest behavior (crying, screaming, yelling) or withdrawal / avoidance behavior (shutting down, going numb, avoiding confrontation), these behaviors are triggered by our attachment system alarm bells and are ultimately designed to protect us.