«It seems to me you have to say, as unlikely as that is, it would be absurd to say you couldn't, I don't know, stick
something under the fingernail, smack him in the face.
You will get shit
under your
fingernails, find yourself scooping a turd out of the bathwater at the speed of light, or
something else that you would've found beyond disgusting in your pre-baby life.