«Leaning Out» generally describes a spouse who is considering divorce or not willing to work on the marriage
in traditional couples therapy, while «Leaning In» describes a spouse who wants to save the relationship and is willing to work on it.
«Feminism» is initially what this meant, as women argued that
traditional couples therapy maintained the sexist status quo, both by blaming women for violence and by maintaining therapeutic neutrality in the face of power differences in the couple.
Especially for couples who do not improve
with traditional couples therapy, how can a couple therapist help partners shift from intense, negative patterns of relating that do not respond well to standard treatments?
Unlike traditional couples therapy, Discernment Counseling is a short - term process (1 - 5 sessions) designed to help you as a couple decide what is best for you and your family.
The counselor will also lay out three paths — staying in the marriage as is, moving toward a divorce, or trying a six - month - long reconciliation path in which they work on the marriage
via traditional couples therapy.
Individual Relationship Therapy holds you accountable to practicing self - love, an important component of a healthy relationship, that almost always goes overlooked as you tell your side of the story and break down conflict
in traditional couples therapy.
Instead, Discernment Counseling acknowledges the reality that one spouse is often «leaning out» of the relationship (considering divorce and not sure that
traditional couples therapy will help) while the other is «leaning in» (interested in rebuilding and working on the marriage).
In addition to
traditional couples therapy and specific therapy formats such as Sex Therapy, we also offer intensive couples assessments (5 hours over 4 sessions), as well as psychoeducational weekend workshops developed by John and Julie Gottman.
And
traditional couples therapy is mostly education.
I work with couples in all areas of couples therapy: premarital counseling, relationship support (
traditional couples therapy), infidelity / affair recovery, Discernment Counseling and divorce (or relationship closure) counseling, but I am especially effective in working with couples with significant relationship challenges (such as addition or affair recovery) or who are experiencing a crisis in their partnership.
Unlike the neutrality of
traditional couples therapy, RLT gets to the heart of relationship issues, addressing problems directly and teaching couples to be truly intimate.
For married couples contemplating divorce, I recommend Discernment Counseling as an alternative to
traditional couples therapy.