In her book The Bonds of Love, Jessica Benjamin talks about the struggle the mother has while dealing with the constant
willfulness, the clinging, or the tyrannical demands
typical of the rapprochement: «What the mother feels during rapprochement and how she works this out will be colored by her ability to deal straightforwardly with aggression and dependence, her sense of herself as entitled to a separate existence, and her confidence in her child's ability to survive conflict, loss, and imperfection.»